Hmm......the days were so fast that I didn't even realized I hadn't posted anything here this month. Well, this is my last chance to at least have a simple October entry.
I'm starting to feel Santi's wrath around - the sound of rain on the roof, the whip of wind on the window, the coldness in the room. I hope whatever is going on won't get worse. We're supposed to go home to Nueva Vizcaya by 4am. Now, with this damn sick weather, every plan is ruined. But we should be thankful still. News gave us a choice whether to take the risk of travelling or just keep ourselves home safely.....unlike some weeks ago, when everybody was surprised by the destructions brought by Ondoy in Metro Manila and Pepeng in Northern Luzon.
It is so heart breaking to see lives being taken, people being dismayed, properties being dismantled, nature being razed. Till now, statistics of this chaos continues to rise. And it is notably written that what this country has suffered is one of the worst in decades. But it is also during these hard times that Filipinos incredibly show the true meaning of survival, of oneness. Inspiring indeed!
I hope by Sunday, there would be no more Santi...and its hassles as well so we can pay our visit to Papa, meet old friends, eat kakanin with a match of hot coffee. Yes, everything will still turn out as planned. Yes, it will. I have faith....zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Nice Read....
I'm browsing the multiply account of one photographer I follow online and came across this nice article on his blog section. I wonder if I will refer or review this writing again 20 to 30 years from now....
Anyway, here it is. Enjoy....
Preparing for Single Senior-Hood
Anyway, here it is. Enjoy....
Preparing for Single Senior-Hood
THE year 2008 didn’t end too well for me. Recurring health problems, crossroads in important areas of life and difficult relationships left me not very enthusiastic about the year to come. As I struggled with a painful gum problem, I thought to myself: here I am, 44 years old, the youngest in our brood of five boys and a girl (with my dad and three of the boys already gone), and by default, the main person taking care of my 84-year-old mother. Not that I resent the job—I love my mother dearly—but it’s really a lot for just one person, and I often find myself wishing that I had a sister to share the load with so we could take care of our mother and each other the way only women can. As it is, I have no sisters, no husband (a matter of choice as much as circumstance), and no children (they were never on the agenda). My two living brothers have their own immediate families, who will naturally take precedence over everybody else. Which led me to the obvious question: When I’m old and unproductive and I’ll need help getting around, who’ll take care of me?
In the last few years, I’ve confirmed the answer, beyond the shadow of a doubt, from my own observations as well as endless discussions with friends in the same boat: I will take care of me. It’s a logical statement, not a sad one. The fact is, I alone will be primarily responsible for myself. Besides, I’ve always thought the idea of bearing a child to have someone take care of you in old age is a selfish agenda, and I think parents who keep drilling this obligation into their kids’ heads and investing in them for this express purpose are laying the groundwork for resentment and dysfunction.
It’s not just me who’s facing this challenge. More and more, I have friends—male, female and otherwise—who are getting older with no prospects of domesticity in their immediate future. Let’s not count a companion/lover/partner, who can appear and disappear just as quickly, but at our age, most of us have pretty much given up on passing on the genes—which means that if and when the partner goes first, you’re back to Square of One.
And yes, we have discussed this, my friends and I—where we will live, how we intend to manage whatever resources we have, what we plan to do when we retire single. Barring any last-minute couplings—which will always be welcome, take note—the current plan among my closest friends and I is a set-up that already exists in many places, a sort of private retirement home where we pool funds for infrastructure, common areas and a shared staff of nurses, drivers and house help. We will have the privacy of individual rooms when we want quiet time and the freedom to plan our own days, but we’ll always have the option of doing things together. After all, aren’t friends supposed to be the blood brothers and sisters you weren’t born with?
The interesting part is, yes, several of us have siblings and nieces and nephews. But we’ve decided we want a lot more security than the thickness of blood over water, and on just banking on the goodness of the hearts of people who will have other things to worry about—and who never signed any contracts to care for the unmarried aunt/uncle.
Dignified life
So can one prepare for solo old age? Maybe not completely, but my friends and I have concluded that there are some things to bear in mind so life is full, pleasant and dignified, even when (or probably because?) you’re alone.
1. Don’t ever, ever assume you will be somebody else’s problem. Sorry for the overstatement but this happens too often for comfort. “Oh, bahala na si (clueless younger relative) sa akin.” Of course, all of us wish we could be so smug and naïve. I myself used to kid my oldest nephew and my nieces about looking after me, but that is no longer something I ever plan to bring up. They have their own lives now, and taking care of other people is not in their nature. Although the Filipino family is famously extended, every unmarried, childless person above 40 should never forget that in relation to your siblings’ families, you will always be optional and peripheral, never central. You hover somewhere outside the nucleus of priorities because you didn’t create a nucleus of your own. It’s nothing personal; it’s fate, not tragedy, and the sooner you accept that as a fact of life, the sooner it becomes easy to do your own thing without overblown expectations and hurt feelings.
2. You must manage your resources exceptionally well. Save large chunks of everything you make. What I’ve saved is far from enough to live on, but I reckon I’ve got some time to build that nest egg, and I avoid debts like the plague. You must invest in a place that’s all your own, never mind how big the family home is, how large an inheritance you’re expecting or how much extra space there is in your married brother or sister’s house. A good project I bagged over 10 years ago allowed me to put a down payment on a shoebox of a condo unit in a major commercial center—a shoebox it is, but it’s all mine and it will be enough for me once I’ve scaled down in my older years. (In the meantime, it’s making me some extra cash.) Get professional advice to make sure you invest in good instruments (although the most conservative ones will probably be the best choices now), and to help you calculate how much you should have in the bank to enable you to live decently on interest and dividends. Oh, and make sure your agent sells you a pension plan, not a life insurance plan. You don’t need to leave your money to a beneficiary; you want to have it to take care of your own needs and wants while you’re alive. You will also need to have enough to pay for professional home care if necessary. Speaking of insurance...
3. You must have medical insurance. If you’ve got money to spare, get some above and beyond your company policy, which will most likely end with your retirement, and by then you may be too old to buy personal medical insurance. A single major hospital stint can wipe out a chunk of your retirement fund if you’re not covered. In line with that, do everything you can to stay healthy. Exercise, eat well, don’t stress yourself out—and make it easier to care for yourself in the future.
4. Nurture relationships with friends in the same boat. No, I don’t mean you stop talking to friends who are attached, married or parenting, but your core group should be people with the same concerns and priorities—and believe me, that’s not a problem nowadays. It makes it easier to relate to the same issues, whether you’re feeling good over a career high or bad about being ignored by a favorite niece (like I said, you’re optional).
5. Get your personal network in place. That covers everything from knowing where to go for some counseling to having friends all over the place and a favorite getaway here and abroad that you feel comfortable visiting alone, to shops and services that you can patronize and develop a relationship with.
All that being said, it’s important to remember to live your life in the meantime and not stress too much about your future. Save, but treat yourself when there’s a windfall, because being single means, yes, you can spend the money in the spa instead of on a new pair of youngster’s school shoes (horrors). And if you do have a generous younger relative who repeatedly insists that he/she will take care of you in your old age, be gracious and accept the offer for the blessing it is—but don’t go giving everything you own to charity just yet. After all, for the single soon-to-be senior, the “power of one” takes on a whole new meaning.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Remembering the Heavy Rain
I'm supposed to meet some PC3 friends this evening, with balikbayan Joyz, as the special guest. Too bad, Ondoy just ruined our excitement to be all together. It's raining so hard outside and I can see over the window - the flood, the people and their vehicles, stranded! Everyone gets stuck, even those who are a little luckier being under a roof (like me and Dot). Thanks to our stock of noodles, de-lata, crackers and coffee. We're safe from starving.....well, for the next 24 hours at least, if the situation worsens.
Being literally trapped in a room and has not much to do aside from watching Adrian Monk all day, I decided to go online and be somewhere else. Not in Facebook, flooded with agonies of stranded friends. Nor in YouTube, filled with disappointing news of Metro Manila being completely submerged in water. For not-so-good times like this, there's no better cyber place than....here, in my den.
I remember being so defensive the other day for not making any post over the couple of weeks due to the challenges of my new job and the busy schedules of my life outside. So, as promised and since I have the time now, I will tell one story - my first ever long drive with Big Love. I choose this to be the first to share because the sound of the raindrops I'm hearing now reminds me of the same unfavorable weather we had on that day.
That was September 5, a date that should have marked my first ever trip abroad, but was not pursued because of a lost passport. Lai and other college friends, had been planning a road trip to Tagaytay since summer, when I was still part of the country's rising unemployment rate. It was just this one rainy Saturday that everything fell to its proper place. I could say it was somehow a blessing in disguise - my supposed trip to Bangkok would be replaced by an equally exciting experience. And by the way, my friend Lai, whom I truly respect as being this humble genius (graduated CumLaude and topped 13th in CPA Board Exam) also chose to wander the "bum" life in exchange of letting go of the unhappy and unhealthy energies caused by work. She left PWC after 5 years of service plus a potentially illustrious career in the firm (she was lined up for promotion already). You see, everybody has this crisis. And our "out of work" days made us both feel that getting out of town, even just on nearby places, might lead us to the way of finding ourselves.
Lai, Meg, Baby and I met at Mcdo Valero. The agreed time was 7:30am but it was already 11am when we finally took off. We waited long for Lai (coming from Bulacan) who was awakened only by Baby's call, not by the alarm clock she set the night before. Hmmm.....familiar, huh?! I knew then how it feels to be waiting for me, hahaha!
There's was no rain yet, just cloudy outside. We were on the road for less than 5 minutes but I already committed my first blooper. Along Makati Ave., I turned right instead of left. Maybe because I was so occupied telling the girls about my novice driving, my unfamiliarity of routes, my close encounters with the police, etc., insinuating that being my passenger is a stressful experience. Good thing Baby was there to guide, who appeared to be the route expert among us. My second fluff came few minutes after, when I took the bus lane in EDSA. Well, the next scenes were already familiar - an officer approaching the car, asking my license and then re
turning it for P100 after some "negotiations". These friends I'm with were cool and just laughed out on my every mistake.
We were welcomed by traffic in Alabang but there was no dull moment. We took pictures inside, played an MJ CD and continued sharing stories.
The heavy downpour of rain started upon reaching SLEX. Meg also began talking about her "sta
lker" boss, on how frightened she was that she ended up tendering her reignation. We were a bit carried away by her story that we almost passed Sta. Rosa exit. Since that was already past lunch time, we wished that we could find Sonya's Secret Garden fast and easy. But, we got lost again - passing the downward road to the sought place and unnoticing the landmarks we should see before making a right turn. We already reached Calaruega when we turned back and came across this cut
e vintage car.
It was 2PM when we set foot on the place. And the four of us agreed why it was tagged a secret garden. We were served with the "
healthiest set of food" I could ever remember. For the first time, I enjoyed a green leafy meal (totally no rice). Their tea was another must-taste. And in between our crunches and sips, were each other's life updates on family, work, health, love life and others.
We spent the rest of the afternoon taking pictures of the small, forest-like paradise, its flowers, chandeliers, candles, chairs, and of course, ourselves. I brought with me my Precious and Lai brought her Leila. Who won't respect this lady? Behind that magnificent mind are still tons of other talents (a photographer, a writer, a guitarist, a painter, etc.)? I learned a lot from Lai that day.
We headed to Caleruega at around 530PM. The rain had stopped. The road on the highland was rocky and rough but the cool breeze made our eyes open for some breathtaking landscapes. The Church is indeed one of the best places to spend a peaceful time - somewhere closer to nature, closer to God and definitely closer to one's truest self. We had a great view of the mountains on the side and the farms beneath, of simply - the world, on its most genuine state. Inside the chapel was also a grand wedding ceremony. We took some pictures before finally ending the short visit.
Perhaps the most challenging part of the trip was our way home. As we climbed the cliff again, with the sudden rainpour and lightning, Big Love stopped. I should have shifted to first gear when we got closer to the peak. We felt backing down. There was a little panic inside. I could remember the same uncomfortable feeling when I was in Market-Market's basement (but Carol was there) and in Fair View Center Mall (a kind Manong was there). That time, on top of that mountain, with 3 nervous passengers, there was no one to trust than myself......and Big Love. Thank God we survived. I believed our nearness to the sky and to Him also graced us to get going....safely.
We stopped over a place to buy pasalubong and ate dinner at Paseo (Chowking) since I requested a meal with rice. We also dropped by a gasoline station, marking my "n"th blooper. I could no longer remember opening the gas tank, like it was my first time. I mistakenly opened the hood, then the compartment...before hitting the appropriate target. The gasoline boy was laughing but the laughter of my 3 friends was even louder. The tough test wasn't finally over yet as we got lost again several times trying to find the SLEX route. But as always, we survived....again.
It was exactly midnight when we reached Makati. I dropped Lai, Meg and Baby near The Columns. They got off saying there must be a repeat of this super fun trip and that they're willing to be stressed and lost again....with BL and me. Those sweet words made me smile as I drove my way home. It was raining still, but no longer heavy. In bed, I received some text messages from the girls again thanking me for the hitch and reminding our next road adventure. Hmmm....looks like I'm up for another career - as a faithful driver this time. As I pulled over my sheet, I wished the rain would stop so I could wake up the next day with the sun shining.
I am wishing the same tonight....that typhoon Ondoy will soon be over and that everyone should remember that in life, the sun will always shine after the storm.........
Being literally trapped in a room and has not much to do aside from watching Adrian Monk all day, I decided to go online and be somewhere else. Not in Facebook, flooded with agonies of stranded friends. Nor in YouTube, filled with disappointing news of Metro Manila being completely submerged in water. For not-so-good times like this, there's no better cyber place than....here, in my den.
I remember being so defensive the other day for not making any post over the couple of weeks due to the challenges of my new job and the busy schedules of my life outside. So, as promised and since I have the time now, I will tell one story - my first ever long drive with Big Love. I choose this to be the first to share because the sound of the raindrops I'm hearing now reminds me of the same unfavorable weather we had on that day.
That was September 5, a date that should have marked my first ever trip abroad, but was not pursued because of a lost passport. Lai and other college friends, had been planning a road trip to Tagaytay since summer, when I was still part of the country's rising unemployment rate. It was just this one rainy Saturday that everything fell to its proper place. I could say it was somehow a blessing in disguise - my supposed trip to Bangkok would be replaced by an equally exciting experience. And by the way, my friend Lai, whom I truly respect as being this humble genius (graduated CumLaude and topped 13th in CPA Board Exam) also chose to wander the "bum" life in exchange of letting go of the unhappy and unhealthy energies caused by work. She left PWC after 5 years of service plus a potentially illustrious career in the firm (she was lined up for promotion already). You see, everybody has this crisis. And our "out of work" days made us both feel that getting out of town, even just on nearby places, might lead us to the way of finding ourselves.
Lai, Meg, Baby and I met at Mcdo Valero. The agreed time was 7:30am but it was already 11am when we finally took off. We waited long for Lai (coming from Bulacan) who was awakened only by Baby's call, not by the alarm clock she set the night before. Hmmm.....familiar, huh?! I knew then how it feels to be waiting for me, hahaha!
There's was no rain yet, just cloudy outside. We were on the road for less than 5 minutes but I already committed my first blooper. Along Makati Ave., I turned right instead of left. Maybe because I was so occupied telling the girls about my novice driving, my unfamiliarity of routes, my close encounters with the police, etc., insinuating that being my passenger is a stressful experience. Good thing Baby was there to guide, who appeared to be the route expert among us. My second fluff came few minutes after, when I took the bus lane in EDSA. Well, the next scenes were already familiar - an officer approaching the car, asking my license and then re
turning it for P100 after some "negotiations". These friends I'm with were cool and just laughed out on my every mistake.We were welcomed by traffic in Alabang but there was no dull moment. We took pictures inside, played an MJ CD and continued sharing stories.
The heavy downpour of rain started upon reaching SLEX. Meg also began talking about her "sta
lker" boss, on how frightened she was that she ended up tendering her reignation. We were a bit carried away by her story that we almost passed Sta. Rosa exit. Since that was already past lunch time, we wished that we could find Sonya's Secret Garden fast and easy. But, we got lost again - passing the downward road to the sought place and unnoticing the landmarks we should see before making a right turn. We already reached Calaruega when we turned back and came across this cut
e vintage car.It was 2PM when we set foot on the place. And the four of us agreed why it was tagged a secret garden. We were served with the "
healthiest set of food" I could ever remember. For the first time, I enjoyed a green leafy meal (totally no rice). Their tea was another must-taste. And in between our crunches and sips, were each other's life updates on family, work, health, love life and others.We spent the rest of the afternoon taking pictures of the small, forest-like paradise, its flowers, chandeliers, candles, chairs, and of course, ourselves. I brought with me my Precious and Lai brought her Leila. Who won't respect this lady? Behind that magnificent mind are still tons of other talents (a photographer, a writer, a guitarist, a painter, etc.)? I learned a lot from Lai that day.
We headed to Caleruega at around 530PM. The rain had stopped. The road on the highland was rocky and rough but the cool breeze made our eyes open for some breathtaking landscapes. The Church is indeed one of the best places to spend a peaceful time - somewhere closer to nature, closer to God and definitely closer to one's truest self. We had a great view of the mountains on the side and the farms beneath, of simply - the world, on its most genuine state. Inside the chapel was also a grand wedding ceremony. We took some pictures before finally ending the short visit.
Perhaps the most challenging part of the trip was our way home. As we climbed the cliff again, with the sudden rainpour and lightning, Big Love stopped. I should have shifted to first gear when we got closer to the peak. We felt backing down. There was a little panic inside. I could remember the same uncomfortable feeling when I was in Market-Market's basement (but Carol was there) and in Fair View Center Mall (a kind Manong was there). That time, on top of that mountain, with 3 nervous passengers, there was no one to trust than myself......and Big Love. Thank God we survived. I believed our nearness to the sky and to Him also graced us to get going....safely.
We stopped over a place to buy pasalubong and ate dinner at Paseo (Chowking) since I requested a meal with rice. We also dropped by a gasoline station, marking my "n"th blooper. I could no longer remember opening the gas tank, like it was my first time. I mistakenly opened the hood, then the compartment...before hitting the appropriate target. The gasoline boy was laughing but the laughter of my 3 friends was even louder. The tough test wasn't finally over yet as we got lost again several times trying to find the SLEX route. But as always, we survived....again.
It was exactly midnight when we reached Makati. I dropped Lai, Meg and Baby near The Columns. They got off saying there must be a repeat of this super fun trip and that they're willing to be stressed and lost again....with BL and me. Those sweet words made me smile as I drove my way home. It was raining still, but no longer heavy. In bed, I received some text messages from the girls again thanking me for the hitch and reminding our next road adventure. Hmmm....looks like I'm up for another career - as a faithful driver this time. As I pulled over my sheet, I wished the rain would stop so I could wake up the next day with the sun shining.
I am wishing the same tonight....that typhoon Ondoy will soon be over and that everyone should remember that in life, the sun will always shine after the storm.........
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Just Dropping By....
Hmmm....it's been really a while since I posted my last entry. Maybe because I got work already - a kind of work that entails a lot of studying and consumes much of my time. Well, I'm still completely far from being transformed into a "nerdy" fellow. Yeah, much farther than you could ever think. I have no plans turning into one, in the first place. Simply not me. I just love the new learning, the challenge, every simple thing linked to it. Besides, I've been really busy with my personal life - had my birthday, spent time with Mama, enjoyed my first ever road adventure with Big Love in Tagaytay, took pictures with Precious, visited my hometown, met old friends, danced ballroom, ingested some alcohol, inhaled some nicotine......and a lot more. I will share some of these stories next time.
I already finished reading another module of MS SQL now and just thought of a short diversion before I go to sleep. So here I am in my den....keying a simple "dropby" note and updating the background music.
Time to zzzzzzzzzzz.........
I already finished reading another module of MS SQL now and just thought of a short diversion before I go to sleep. So here I am in my den....keying a simple "dropby" note and updating the background music.
Time to zzzzzzzzzzz.........
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Next Time..........
I knew that when I arrived at the place, you were there. My eyes didn't tell 'coz I made sure not to look. It was my heart that instantly felt your presence.
I pretended not to notice you as you were at the corner. And I chose to sit on the other end as well so the job would be easier for myself - building this imaginary wall in between to shield me from an unstoppable force of attraction coming from your direction. But all through out, I could hear your voice. I wanted to glance but I managed not to, even in one funny story you told about me. I just laughed with everybody. When some asked me questions, I could sense you leaning forward from your seat, looking at me, waiting for some interesting answers. Still, I managed not to look back.
I thought my defenses were working, until it was time to call the night off. As I walked down the stairs, somebody tapped my shoulder. It was you. You just mentioned my name so sweetly then twirled your arms into mine. And from there, I found myself caught off guard again. Between our bodies was pure silence. I wasn't sure what that silent moment meant to you. But for me, it was frighteningly great.......great to feel a certain kind of magic, yet so frightening to feel something I was not supposed to feel.....or at least allowed to feel.
Goodbye! That was the only word I managed to utter.......then, you were gone.
I know we'll see each other again. And the next time you're gonna be next to me, clinging on my arms, I'll gonna hold you back and won't ever let go.......
I pretended not to notice you as you were at the corner. And I chose to sit on the other end as well so the job would be easier for myself - building this imaginary wall in between to shield me from an unstoppable force of attraction coming from your direction. But all through out, I could hear your voice. I wanted to glance but I managed not to, even in one funny story you told about me. I just laughed with everybody. When some asked me questions, I could sense you leaning forward from your seat, looking at me, waiting for some interesting answers. Still, I managed not to look back.
I thought my defenses were working, until it was time to call the night off. As I walked down the stairs, somebody tapped my shoulder. It was you. You just mentioned my name so sweetly then twirled your arms into mine. And from there, I found myself caught off guard again. Between our bodies was pure silence. I wasn't sure what that silent moment meant to you. But for me, it was frighteningly great.......great to feel a certain kind of magic, yet so frightening to feel something I was not supposed to feel.....or at least allowed to feel.
Goodbye! That was the only word I managed to utter.......then, you were gone.
I know we'll see each other again. And the next time you're gonna be next to me, clinging on my arms, I'll gonna hold you back and won't ever let go.......
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
A Tribute to Cory
This is the first time, in more than three years, that I'm experiencing again the benefit of a Philippine holiday - a time to rest, away from work. Today is not the typical "rest" day for me though. I've been soaked on screen as early as 9 this morning watching another remarkable event in Philippine history- the burial of Cory Aquino, who finally laid her armors down from her long bout of colon cancer.I'm quietly amazed of how the whole nation mourns on the former president's passing. People are continuously flocking at Manila Cathedral and Manila Memorial Park today to bid their final goodbyes to the late Mrs. Aquino despite the heavy rain.
Honestly, I grew up not much of a Cory fan. Perhaps, it has something to do with me having been raised by Marcos loyalists (Papa and Mama) and having been grown in an Ilokano community. I was young then, couldn't think things of my own, only influenced. I might still be sucking my thumb when the People Power Revolution emerged in EDSA and caused the change of national governance from Marcos to Aquino in 1986. I was just in elementary for the later part of Cory's term until the presidency was passed over to FVR in 1992. Again, I didn't understand anything about the government and its politics. If there were few things I knew about these transitions, I knew them only because of my requirement to pass our Philippine History class.
Now as a grown-up, I can comprehend much better. I know that history was written when Cory introduced "democracy" and took her seat in Malacanang, as the first lady president not only in the Philippines, but in Asia. I know that it took tremendous courage for a "plain housewife" to end a 20-year ruling of the country's most powerful man that time. And it took even greater strength to survive numerous coup attempts and monster critics during her administration. With her, having endured all these, is her mightiest and only weapon, the rosary.
It is this same weapon, which Cory clinged on after her life in the Palace. Criticisms never ceased, going beyond....to her family, especially to her most controversial child Kris. She was questioned as a leader before.....and then, as a mother. But she kept her strong faith. She continued saying her prayers, even at her most vulnerable stage, when her battle with cancer started.
I saw how people sympathized when Cory's health condition was announced on national TV last March 2008. I felt sorry for her too, but more of the reason that she had fallen another victim of this big C, the same incurable disease that took my father away from me. But seeing and hearing all the outpouring and overwhelming stories and tributes since her death about how kind and loving this woman was, how she touched the lives of many for her decency and selflessness, how she even made political adversaries to temporarily set aside their differences and unite on her wake, and how she showed everyone else how powerful prayers are, I instantly become an admirer. There's indeed a "Cory Magic". And it hits me. How I wish I was born a little earlier, so I had the chance to become old enough to fully understand and realize that our nation was once presided by someone with integrity, who was never greedy of power and who graced some shade of purity on politics, which is just defined in this country nowadays, as a plain dirty game.
The burial ceremony in Manila Memorial Park is not over yet. My rest day is. I'm still in front of the TV screen.....on tears. I hope these humble tears on my cheeks and these sincere words on my blog are enough to show my last respect to a true icon of democracy, of peace, of love and of faith. Thank you and goodbye, Madam Cory!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Gaguhan Lang....
Sobra akong nagulat nung malaman ko. Nagsinungaling siya. Ginago nya ako. Kahapon lang nung nagchat kami. Tinanong ko siya. Tinanggi nya. Hindi daw. At naniwala naman ako. Nanghingi pa nga ako ng payo. Nanghinayang din siya para sa akin. Sana daw kinuha ko na agad. Maswerte daw kung sinuman ang nakauna.
Tapos....wala pang 24 oras, malalaman ko sa iba na yung bagay na gusto ko ay nasa kanya lang pala. Di ba isang maliwanag na panggagago yun. Para akong binuhusan ng tubig na hindi ko mawari kung kumukulo o mala-yelo ang lamig. Ang mas nakakainis, napakasimpleng isyu lang naman ito - ni hindi nga makaka-isang porsyento man lang sa lebel ng mga usaping dyamante o ginto. At para magsingulang siya sa isang kaibigan dahil sa ganitong napakaliit na bagay, walang kaduda-dudang nanggagago siya.
Sorry daw. Gusto lang nya ng pribadong buhay kaya hindi sya umamin agad. Anak ng.....ginawa nya talagang big deal! Para na rin niyang sinabing hindi ako mapagkakatiwalaan. Pinagmukha akong tanga para lang masiguro ang personal na proteksiyon. Proteksiyon saan? Sa tsismis daw. Wow, napakalayo naman ng narating ng imahinasyon nya! Hindi ko talaga maintindihan. At sa palagay ko, hindi na darating ang araw na maiintindihan ko pa.
Pero naisip ko, bakit ba ako nanggagalaiti? Patas lang kami. Ginago ko din naman siya - at sa mas malaki at mabigat na dahilan. Minahal ko ang taong minahal nya. O mas akma yatang sabihin na....minamahal ko ang taong minamahal pa din niya. Nakakatawa di ba? Pagdating sa pag-ibig, walang imposible. Lahat pwedeng gawin ng taong nagmamahal. Marahil sa pagitan naming dalawa, ako ang mas nangtraydor. Ako ang mas nanggago. At hanggang ngayon, wala siyang kamalay-malay. Sana manitili na lang itong sikreto habang buhay. Pasensyahan na lang. Isang simpleng tao lang ako na nagmamahal. Gayunpaman, ayos na din. Pareho lang naman kaming talo eh. Pareho kaming hindi gusto. Masuwerte siya. Nabigyan siya ng pagkakataon dati. Pero nagpabaya sya. At ang pagkakataon nyang iyon ay mabilis na umikli hanggang sa tuluyang nawala. Buti nga! Hahaha...
Hay......ang buhay nga naman. Kadalasan, gulangan na lang. Salamat sa puso kong hindi naturuan kung kanino dapat tumibok, pero natutong tumarantado. Para sa mga susunod na hamon, alam ko na kung paano makipagsabayan, dito sa mundong puno ng gaguhan lang.
Tapos....wala pang 24 oras, malalaman ko sa iba na yung bagay na gusto ko ay nasa kanya lang pala. Di ba isang maliwanag na panggagago yun. Para akong binuhusan ng tubig na hindi ko mawari kung kumukulo o mala-yelo ang lamig. Ang mas nakakainis, napakasimpleng isyu lang naman ito - ni hindi nga makaka-isang porsyento man lang sa lebel ng mga usaping dyamante o ginto. At para magsingulang siya sa isang kaibigan dahil sa ganitong napakaliit na bagay, walang kaduda-dudang nanggagago siya.
Sorry daw. Gusto lang nya ng pribadong buhay kaya hindi sya umamin agad. Anak ng.....ginawa nya talagang big deal! Para na rin niyang sinabing hindi ako mapagkakatiwalaan. Pinagmukha akong tanga para lang masiguro ang personal na proteksiyon. Proteksiyon saan? Sa tsismis daw. Wow, napakalayo naman ng narating ng imahinasyon nya! Hindi ko talaga maintindihan. At sa palagay ko, hindi na darating ang araw na maiintindihan ko pa.
Pero naisip ko, bakit ba ako nanggagalaiti? Patas lang kami. Ginago ko din naman siya - at sa mas malaki at mabigat na dahilan. Minahal ko ang taong minahal nya. O mas akma yatang sabihin na....minamahal ko ang taong minamahal pa din niya. Nakakatawa di ba? Pagdating sa pag-ibig, walang imposible. Lahat pwedeng gawin ng taong nagmamahal. Marahil sa pagitan naming dalawa, ako ang mas nangtraydor. Ako ang mas nanggago. At hanggang ngayon, wala siyang kamalay-malay. Sana manitili na lang itong sikreto habang buhay. Pasensyahan na lang. Isang simpleng tao lang ako na nagmamahal. Gayunpaman, ayos na din. Pareho lang naman kaming talo eh. Pareho kaming hindi gusto. Masuwerte siya. Nabigyan siya ng pagkakataon dati. Pero nagpabaya sya. At ang pagkakataon nyang iyon ay mabilis na umikli hanggang sa tuluyang nawala. Buti nga! Hahaha...
Hay......ang buhay nga naman. Kadalasan, gulangan na lang. Salamat sa puso kong hindi naturuan kung kanino dapat tumibok, pero natutong tumarantado. Para sa mga susunod na hamon, alam ko na kung paano makipagsabayan, dito sa mundong puno ng gaguhan lang.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Finally....
T'was 7 in the morning. I got up early, prepared a nice breakfast and took a shower. My adrenaline was rushing. This was a big day!
I met MG, PM and Angie at RCBC Plaza. It has been months since I last saw these girls. Their warm smiles (even after some tiring hours of night duty) greeted me and that simply coated my heart with bliss. Lucky us - we instantly got a pretty decent cab with a very kind "manong" on the driver's seat. We were heading to Hidalgo to ease my "itching" (please don't think of anything naughty....hahaha) because I've been dying to get my first SLR for weeks.
On the way, the four of us had a long chat....about everyone...about everything. But most of the talks were focused on me. What keeps me busy? How are my applications? What companies are good to target? How much is my final pay? The last question eventually led them to ask for some Kuripot Tips. So I gave "tips". I shared some "control" stories which sounded ridiculous to them rather than convincing. And in between the laughs, I consistently instilled my complains of having to pee. Their chuckles kept coming. That was fine anyway. I missed the bullying. Few minutes more, we were on the place. We went to Jollibee first. It turned out that all of us had our own call of nature. I didn't mind. Afterall, we needed to release these negativities to become more effective in doing the art of bargaining - something I was never good at, and perhaps will never be.
So the mission began. We were greeted by a jolly Kuya on the first store. I wanted D40, by the way, an SLR good enough for starters and wannabe's. The first offer was P23k, with bag and 2GB usb until it went down to a package of the unit, bag and 4GB usb at P22.5k. Not bad. But we moved on to the next, to more Kuyas and Ates, with offers from P22.5k to P24k, with/without bag and 2GB/4GB usb. Actually, I couldn't remember the exact packages 'coz I never did the talking and haggling. My friends did. It was always that way. Yeah.....I missed the spoiling, too.
It seemed the first Kuya had the best price so far....until we reached Henry's. Ate said P21.8k, with bag and 4GB usb. Then came MG's, PM's and Angie's planned magic. P20k - P21k - P21.1k - P21.2k - P21.3k. At P21.4k, Ate appeared to give up and told us to ask the boss. Angie did the honor and her charms made us save P50 more. Not bad as well, honestly.....hehehe. For P21,450, my bag turned a "D40" heavier as we went out the store.
It was a typical hot day. Our bodies needed rewards for taking home a good deal. We ordered pizza, lasagna, tacos and a rice meal (for me, obviously) at Greenwich. Orders were completely served but I enjoyed taking my first few test shots before laying my hand on the food. It was great. I was like a 10 year-old girl grasping her first batteried toy. We ate, talked more, laughed more but also sighed more. At around 1, we waved goodbyes.
PM and I took a cab going to Makati. Thanks to another Kuya who helped us get Avanza, wide and comfortable enough to rest our backs. There were more talking. There were more sharing. She stepped out when we reached RCBC Plaza and I realized that I was alone again. I had to admit. I sensed a guilty feeling. I've been bum for months now. And yet, I've been making a lot of spending. I glanced on the window and I saw the image of Bo Sanchez screaming right on my face. LIVE LIKE A DYING MAN! Just like a lightning, my mind again became crystal clear. I may have thrown away more bucks from my perishing pocket.
But who cares? I have my precious SLR......
.....and I have my precious friends.
I met MG, PM and Angie at RCBC Plaza. It has been months since I last saw these girls. Their warm smiles (even after some tiring hours of night duty) greeted me and that simply coated my heart with bliss. Lucky us - we instantly got a pretty decent cab with a very kind "manong" on the driver's seat. We were heading to Hidalgo to ease my "itching" (please don't think of anything naughty....hahaha) because I've been dying to get my first SLR for weeks.
On the way, the four of us had a long chat....about everyone...about everything. But most of the talks were focused on me. What keeps me busy? How are my applications? What companies are good to target? How much is my final pay? The last question eventually led them to ask for some Kuripot Tips. So I gave "tips". I shared some "control" stories which sounded ridiculous to them rather than convincing. And in between the laughs, I consistently instilled my complains of having to pee. Their chuckles kept coming. That was fine anyway. I missed the bullying. Few minutes more, we were on the place. We went to Jollibee first. It turned out that all of us had our own call of nature. I didn't mind. Afterall, we needed to release these negativities to become more effective in doing the art of bargaining - something I was never good at, and perhaps will never be.
So the mission began. We were greeted by a jolly Kuya on the first store. I wanted D40, by the way, an SLR good enough for starters and wannabe's. The first offer was P23k, with bag and 2GB usb until it went down to a package of the unit, bag and 4GB usb at P22.5k. Not bad. But we moved on to the next, to more Kuyas and Ates, with offers from P22.5k to P24k, with/without bag and 2GB/4GB usb. Actually, I couldn't remember the exact packages 'coz I never did the talking and haggling. My friends did. It was always that way. Yeah.....I missed the spoiling, too.
It seemed the first Kuya had the best price so far....until we reached Henry's. Ate said P21.8k, with bag and 4GB usb. Then came MG's, PM's and Angie's planned magic. P20k - P21k - P21.1k - P21.2k - P21.3k. At P21.4k, Ate appeared to give up and told us to ask the boss. Angie did the honor and her charms made us save P50 more. Not bad as well, honestly.....hehehe. For P21,450, my bag turned a "D40" heavier as we went out the store.
It was a typical hot day. Our bodies needed rewards for taking home a good deal. We ordered pizza, lasagna, tacos and a rice meal (for me, obviously) at Greenwich. Orders were completely served but I enjoyed taking my first few test shots before laying my hand on the food. It was great. I was like a 10 year-old girl grasping her first batteried toy. We ate, talked more, laughed more but also sighed more. At around 1, we waved goodbyes.
PM and I took a cab going to Makati. Thanks to another Kuya who helped us get Avanza, wide and comfortable enough to rest our backs. There were more talking. There were more sharing. She stepped out when we reached RCBC Plaza and I realized that I was alone again. I had to admit. I sensed a guilty feeling. I've been bum for months now. And yet, I've been making a lot of spending. I glanced on the window and I saw the image of Bo Sanchez screaming right on my face. LIVE LIKE A DYING MAN! Just like a lightning, my mind again became crystal clear. I may have thrown away more bucks from my perishing pocket.
But who cares? I have my precious SLR......
.....and I have my precious friends.
Monday, June 29, 2009
If Life Is So Short
Isn't it funny how time seems to slip away so fast
One minute you're happy, the other you're sad
But if you give me one more chance
To show my love for you is true
I'll stand by your side your whole life through
If life is so short
Why don't you let me love you
Before we run out of time If love is so strong
Why won't you take the chance
Before our time has gone
If life is so short, if life is so short
Love is a word that explains how I feel for you
And when you're in my arms, all my dreams come true
And when you're not around
You can't hardly see
These tears that I'm crying now are for you to be with me
This song from Moffats used to be one of my and my friends' favorite boy band song way back highschool. That was like more than 10 years ago. Since then, I really never heard the song being played until today. Oh, by the way, I searched and played it myself in Youtube. I don't know. After being stunned by some news these past few days, I feel like I wanna look back and see how unpredictable life is. One may be so alive and kicking now; then suddenly, everything around becomes total darkness.
Whenever I watch TV, read the net, get a call or receive a text that someone is not doing well, or even worse, someone wasn't able to make it, it's like I'm being stubbed on the chest, being thrown in an awful time machine and being carried back to my life's most painful day - when I lost my father. Oh yes, there's always this "flashback", never missed a single moment. The feeling is hell. It's a complete torture. And I hate it.
Time is so fast. Life is so short. And with that, Bo Sanchez is always so right. Nothing is far better than to live like a dying man. At 26, I'm quite unsure yet if my existence has ever been worthy. In some aspects maybe. For now, I hear the clock ticking still. I feel my heart beating still. Any moment, all might stop, even the earth's revolving.
Am I living my life to the fullest? This time....I'm trying, happily trying.....
Whenever I watch TV, read the net, get a call or receive a text that someone is not doing well, or even worse, someone wasn't able to make it, it's like I'm being stubbed on the chest, being thrown in an awful time machine and being carried back to my life's most painful day - when I lost my father. Oh yes, there's always this "flashback", never missed a single moment. The feeling is hell. It's a complete torture. And I hate it.
Time is so fast. Life is so short. And with that, Bo Sanchez is always so right. Nothing is far better than to live like a dying man. At 26, I'm quite unsure yet if my existence has ever been worthy. In some aspects maybe. For now, I hear the clock ticking still. I feel my heart beating still. Any moment, all might stop, even the earth's revolving.
Am I living my life to the fullest? This time....I'm trying, happily trying.....
Friday, June 26, 2009
FAREWELL to the "King of Pop"
I woke up this morning and got a certain feeling that this is going to be a good day. But I was shocked to see the early morning headlines. So sad but true - Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, is gone, at age 50. He suffered from cardiac arrest. Unfortunately, death really comes to anyone, at the most unexpected time.I'm a music lover and Michael Jackson's songs were the first few phrases I learned to voice out (with melody and rhythm) as a growing child. I'm not into dancing but I always love watching guys on TV showcasing their sexiest and most exciting moves. I adored UMD, Street Boys and Manuevers during the 90's. But only one man keeps me amazed on the dance floor through ages........MJ.
I'm a fan of Michael Jackson's best moments, an agonist of his worst days. Drug addiction, short-lived marriages, strange medical procedures, lipsynch performances, shaky finances, child molestations and others.....there might be more. This entertainment icon had gone a lot of ups and downs in his life. He might had been living in a mysterious "den" as mine, a place where only GOD and himself know the real answers.
No matter what.......I just want Michael Jackson to be remembered as the greatest "total entertainer" who ever existed on earth - how he touched the hearts of people for every song he sang, how he kindled their energies for every groove he made.
Goodbye MJ! Thank you for sharing to everyone your talent. Like most of your songs say, you made this world a better place.
And.....if ever you meet my father up there, please do a "moonwalk" for him......
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