Morning View

I promised myself once that when fate let our paths cross again and you wrap me around your arms, I'm going to hold you back and won't ever let go.

Well, I guess, I'm really not good with promises.  I missed you so bad and I planned that night to be totally different from the last.  No more building of walls.  No more creating of distances.  No more role-playing of blind-deaf-mute.  But as always, when that damn big rat starts lingering my chest, plans, like promises, are like ashes.  They become remnants of a once burning flame, now - useless, senseless, ready to be blown away.

The fire is still inside of me, I know.  It started with a spark on that one fine day, when I found myself sitting across from you, and eventually talking closely to you for hours as if the day will never last.  I wish you felt something special, too, 'coz people around us noticed that certain warmth between us.  And whatever that is, I had no control of.  It had thought itself to flare over the years.

That night's fun was unforgettable.  Food, beer, music - some little things we have in common.  Oh yeah, I couldn't resist glancing at you from time to time.  You couldn't blame me, you were annoyingly magnetic. Had you been checking on me, too? How I wish....

The only chance I got to sit closer to you was in the coffee shop - when you were half-awake and half-asleep trying to regain a little energy from a restless night.  That was a great morning view - me, sitting in a cozy place, sipping a hot coffee and looking at the most refreshing face in front of me.  I couldn't help but smile.  What a wonderful world indeed - enjoying life and its simplest beauty and pleasure.

I'd like to start my day tomorrow having another beautiful morning view again - still in a cozy place, with a hot coffee and you - wide awake and smiling back at me (this time)..... :D

Good morning....

To Do List for 2011

Just to be a bit different from the traditional "New Year's Resolution", what I made below is a list of ATTAINABLE things I set for myself, which I tag as "To-Do-List for 2011".  As I learned from my boss, there is always this mystery - of goals being achieved, once everything is put into writing.  So, without further ado, here it is:

1)      Learn at least one basic programming language - In the past two years, I found myself engaged with the IT industry.  And yes, I feel fulfilled, like never before.  So I'm pushing myself more to learn new things.  And no, I won't be a geek - just a little techie….hehehe…..

2)      Start to love reading books - Last Christmas was a record-high gift shopping of books for family and friends and I have to admit that I was, most of the time, clueless on what to pick for each of them.  To all the sweet and caring people who guided me on this quest, you had been very helpful.  Just to share - I can only count in my fingers the number of books I've read in my entire life (excluding the textbooks, of course).  And those are mostly my brother's, which I happened to pick somewhere in the house and flip the pages for the purpose of sleep, not of interest.  2011 should be a different story for me and I'm setting myself to complete at least 12 books for the entire year, one book per month, ideally.  Who knows, I myself, will be listing books as my wish for the next Christmas season.

3)      Cut down cholesterol consumption - Well, I consider this an obligation especially for someone who's turning 29 this year.  But I won't be too harsh on myself.  The process will be gradual and always be backed up by tea.

4)      Be involved in physical activities (sports, gym, etc) - Aside from my daily MRT up-down walking and brawling going to office, how about dribbling the ball, lifting the dumbbells or dancing with the pole.  I'll have myself sweat...and sweat.....and sweat....'coz at the end of the day, sweat = health and health = wealth.

5)      Renew my passport - Just to make things clearer, I lost my passport sometime ago and it made me miss the possibility of travelling out of the country for the first time.  Now, I'm binding myself to get a new one this year - just that.  If this would make me experience my first ever out of the country trip as well, then it's my luck year.  Remember what I wrote above - things that are ATTAINABLE.  Trips abroad can wait till 2012.  I'm not in a hurry.

6)      Reach at least 2 of the following places: (Batanes, Bohol, Coron, Caramoan, Camiguin, CDO, Puerto Galera, Sagada) - I'm not much of a traveler and I've never been to any of these famous places.  I'm limiting my goal to just two - again for purposes of fulfilling them.

7)      More bonding moments with Big Luv and Precious - This means more fearless trips with complete documentation of everything.  Baguio?  Hmm….let’s see…

8)      More posts in this den - Just like my book quota, I have to come up with something and update this blog at least once a month.  Looks like I'm done for January... yey!

9)      Monthly visit to Bambang, Nueva Vizcaya - Since I'm making a monthly commitment for the things I wanna do for the year, of course going home to my dearest Mama is always the one I look forward to.

10)   Get the perfect gift for my bro's big day - Of course, Dot is the second best man in my life.  He deserves nothing but the best from his only baby sister.  Good to know I still have 11 months to come up with the perfect one.

11)   Start planning for my DH project - I set my project to officially start on 2012.  This is something big time so it's best for me start talking to people, who will be involved in a lot of aspects.  Yay, I’m so excited…

12)   Hmmm....lovelife? - Oh again, did I mention something ATTAINABLE? Wish me luck then.... :D

So that's it!  Happy 2011!

Big Day

Yay! I'll gonna be an official "sister in law" next year! Yeah, got it right! My brother is getting married....finally....hehehe....

There are no concrete plans yet except that it would be next year, December perhaps.  It will depend on when Mary's dad can home from Florida and see her only daughter walk the aisle.

Yay, I can't think of the perfect words and put them in the most creative way I can right now.  All I know is that I'm so, so, so excited and I'll gonna treat that big event as if "my own"....

So, to my bro and Mary, congratulations again! Looking forward for a busy and fruiful 2011.... 

I love you both! :-)

Flashback '05...

I no longer know what is going on with the world and the people today. When I got home in Nueva Vizcaya for my birthday, I heard 3 of my highschool teachers died. And just when I got back in Manila, an old friend's father passed away. And today, the mother of an officemate. All deaths - caused by cancer. So now I'm crying like a little girl again....What do you expect? Flashback once more......Papa.

Lung cancer took Papa away from us five years ago. He was a chain smoker. It was first quarter of 2005 when Mama noticed his sudden weight loss. On April 2005, Papa seemed to be not only challenged by physical deterioration but also mental absence. Mama would find him many times just staring on blank space. And then, the headaches started to manifest, too. He was never the same since then. We decided to bring him here in Manila to seek medical help. On that same month, he was diagnosed with malignant brain tumor - the result of metastasis of a more severe condition, lung cancer. It was the hardest blow to our family that we had to endure.

Papa was once a sturdy man. He seemed to have swallowed a big ball on his tummy. I used to beat that part of him with my little hands like drums. His arms were very firm, like branches of trees. I used to cling to that arms for years. His legs were like steels, shaped by farming and climbing mountains at a young age. I used to ride on them like the logs of a seesaw. All these images of strength and resilience were gone. In his private room at St. Lukes one day before his major operation, I saw a weak man...full of fear. And there were tears in his eyes. In front of us, was my father crying for the first time. That moment was something I couldn't contain. I ran out of the room and shed tears of my own. Nothing is more heart-breaking for a girl than seeing the man she considered her "rock" to depend on, slowly falling down.

I'm a Papa's girl obviously (though I'm spoiled by Mama, too). He was my Math tutor, my chess-mate, my cooking partner, my driving coach, my playmate. But what I like best - he was my fan. I always had these confidence problems as a growing child. So he never failed praising me for my accomplishments. There were times that I find those praises too exaggerated. But he was my father...and I was his only daughter. I assume he never had a choice.....

I had my most memorable Valentine's day because of him. We had this 3rd periodical project for an art subject. I was the leader of one group. It was a blessing since one of my members, who happened to be a very dear friend of mine (Budz), volunteered to accommodate us in their humble home, few blocks away from our school, to finish our artwork. And since we had a deadline to beat (til 2PM of that unforgettable February 14), we decided to stay and had to pass lunch time just to finish the project. Cellphone was still not a hype during those years so situations like not going home for lunch wouldn't be known to one's parents until he/she gets home after the day's class. When I got home that afternoon, Papa instantly asked where I'd been. I told him the truth....the art project. He said I was just making an excuse and that I had this Valentine's date with someone. I knew it was a joke. But it had hit me for some reasons. As I mentioned earlier, I always had this trouble of not liking myself too much. So I answered him back - "Who in the world would ever want dating a horrible, boyish, fat, dark, flat-nosed human being like me?" Then I cried. He walked towards me, hugged me tight, kissed me on the forehead and uttered the words I never heard from a man all my life - "Stop crying, my baby! For me, you are the most beautiful person in the world!" With that, I cried even harder....

God is so good that He allowed me to spend the best of times with my sick father. I say the "best of times" because those moments were the perfect opportunities of unconditionally returning the love he had given me - the time that I had to take care of him in the simplest yet most loving way a daughter could do. I got the chance to cook for him and feed him, the chance to bathe and massage him, the chance to help him in and out of his wheelchair and walk him in malls, the chance to ignore the demands of work just to accompany him on radiation therapy sessions, the chance to skip meals just to save money for his diapers and medicines, the chance to stay wide awake in the hospital and just helplessly wait for what might come worst. I was young, weak and oftentimes irresponsible. But during those days, I was as hard as stone and in control.

And like sad movies, there's always an unhappy ending. In the morning of October 6, 2005, Papa left us. And the darkest days of my life started. It is so true that when we lost someone we love so much, always a certain part of us dies with him/her. It has been five years. I just turned 28...old enough. But I know I will never be that complete again. I wished Papa was still around in that past five years when I, his once little girl, fell in love, broke my heart, reached some simple dreams and still chase for the bigger ones.....

But I guess that's how life is. And sooner or later, I'll be seeing him again. How about tonight Papa? Be with me....in my dreams.....

Dear Big Luv

Ang saya ko ngayon! Sa pang-ilang pagkakataon, hindi mo na naman ako binigo. Alam kong nung huling tayo nagkasama, hindi masyadong naging maganda ang kapalaran natin sa isa't isa. Nasaktan ka ng sobra dahil sa akin at ako naman ay nagkaroon ng trauma. Saksi ka sa mahabang panahon na ako'y nag-alinlangan sa kakayahan kong mahawakan kang muli.

Pero iba ang araw na ito. Kasama ang ilan sa mga pinakamatatalik kong kaibigan, pinatunayan mo ang tibay ng ating samahan. Kahit pa may mga pagkakataon na nakikisawsaw ko sa halakhakan namin at tipo'y nagsasayaw ka din sa kagalakan. Me mga oras din na para bang may sarili kang mundo. Umaatras o umaabante ka na lang ng basta-basta. Ayun tuloy, napapakamot ng ulo, napapakunot ng noo o napapadasal ang mga taong nakapaligid sa atin. Ang pinakamatindi, ilang beses mong ipinakita na ikaw ay mapanggigil. Makipagpaligsahan ka ba naman sa isang higante? Kahit maliit ka, malaki ang paniniwala ko na kaya mong magtagumpay. Pero gusto ko pa ding isaalang-alang ang katiwasayan at kaligtasan nating lahat. Huwag kang mag-alala! Kahit murahin pa tayo ng iba, kakampi mo ako. Ipaglalaban kita.

Naaalala mo ba yung araw na opisyal na kinukuha ka na sa akin ni Kuya? Walang kagatol-gatol kung sinabi - "Akin ka ng buong-buo." Maaaring mas madalas mo siyang kasama at ako'y hanggang haplos lang sa iyo. Pero alam kong alam mo na kahit mahal ka din naman niya, mas higit na mahal kita. Hindi pa man dumating ang unang araw na nagkrus ang landas natin, ipinangako ko na sa sarili kong "tayo" ang tunay na magtatagal. Musmos pa ako'y ikaw na pangarap ko. Kaya paninindigan kita anuman ang mangyari.

Magmula sa araw na ito, gusto kong linisin at ibalik sa dating linaw ang matagal ng nakaukit sa puso ko....ikaw lang, wala ng iba. Madami man ang malikha na maaaring mas higit pa sa iyo, hinding-hindi ako matutukso. Magkasama nating lilibutin ang buong Luzon. Kung maaari nga lang isama na din ang Visayas, ang Mindanao at ang buong mundo. Inaamin kong marami akong pagkukulang at madami pa akong dapat matutunan. Pero handa ako sa anumang pagsubok, basta kasama ka lamang.

Ang sabi nga sa kanta....Ako'y sa iyo at ika'y akin lamang......My Big Luv!

Nagmamahal,
Ang Iyong Drayber

It's Final...

My Dearest One,

It all started when I seriously fell for someone the first time. You might agree with me that not all "firsts" are the best moments. It was a tough phase and you were there for me and you accepted me for who I am. We became close friends. It was never a rebound. I shed some serious tears for that heartbreak. But surprisingly, you made it so easy for me get back on my feet and see the wonders of life and love, once again.....

You are indeed a beautiful soul! At some point, I felt obliged to return the favor. I was also there when you got involved with someone special the first time....and you eventually wept for your first heartbreak as well. You know that I'm not very good in cheering up people, especially those with wounded hearts. But I hope you felt that I tried to be there by your side to silently cry for your pain.

At first, I thought it was all appreciation. But I realized, it was more than that. So there I was, gravitated once more. I ended up giving you stuffs secretly - something that was also unveiled by you later on. I'll never forget the day when you confronted me about everything. I still thank God that it never happened face-to-face because if it does, I would have wished myself to be dead before finding myself in front of you. Yes....what I've done had brought you intrigue and shame and you have no idea how guilty I am until this very day.

That had definitely scarred our friendship. Almost a month of avoiding each other, of you not returning my messages, of me being so confused whether to visit a friend's place because we are all in one circle.... Damn, that was one of the worst times of my life. I was so grateful that on one fine day, you finally got back to me and told me to forget what happened, to never talk about it and to give another chance to our friendship. That's you - so kind, so forgiving....so please don't blame me if I fell for you that way.

There was a time when I decided to hide myself from the rest of the world because I felt I turned into some kind of monster. For days, the sound of my phone ringing and the knocks on the door were the only elements existing in my still room - as still as me on the floor. But with one particular ring, I grabbed my phone for the first time in days and was surprised to see who was calling - it was you. See.....that's your effect on me - so magical. For many times, I barred myself from doing things - only to find those bars falling in the end, because of you. You made everything within me so disoriented and involuntary. Thank you because the moment I took that call (the first one I answered by the way), I knew I'm going to be fine again.

....which made me remember the last talk we had over the phone. You continue to amaze me. Despite us, already living on separate worlds, you can tell if I'm okay or not, you can read my mind, you can hear my heart, you can feel my rage. I'm glad to know that you know me well. You called that day to check what's going on. I told you my story. But forgive me if I didn't tell everything - that apart from that rage, there was "envy". I was envious that the person is so happy having you. Well, I know I have no right. But I'm just human - a very fragile one. Don't worry and don't feel guilty. I never blamed you for anything. The good thing is, I got over it. Thanks to you.....once more.

I heard you've been going out again. You both, are my good friends. Still a part of me should feel joyful with the two of you being together. It's hard for me, but if you're happy, I'll try my best to be happy for you, too. Don't hold back. If you think you are sure and you are ready, then love again. This may be a little presumptive but you might worry about me. Well, do not. It will break my heart for sure...but I'm a big girl now. I will survive and will get over it, as usual. Our friend will love you, respect you and take care of you - though I know, and maybe you know, that I can do a lot better than that. It made me realize that all through these years, we remained faithfully in love with one and the same person. Can you now imagine how your charm and pureness captivated our heart and soul? No words can ever tell....

True enough, some things are really not meant to be. And as I get older, I become wiser. I become more tolerant. I learn to accept the fact that you're someone who can never be mine. I understand everything. But I still keep my promise. We'll never talk about it. So I'm writing this letter. Just in case you stumble across this somewhere, it will let you know that you're the only person that I felt magic with and I think I will never find someone so perfect like you again. That you unconsciously changed my world and my life into something more special and more wonderful. Until my last breath, I will always be grateful.

The whole universe knows how many times I tried and how many times I failed, too. But it's final this time.....I'm letting go of that "feelings". And I mark this day as the beginning of a much better and purer bond between us.

Friends forever okay?

Love,
Braizel

The Story of Ugly

I miss being here....what have I been doing lately anyway?

I don't have the right mental hormones to write now so I'll just gonna share a simple, touching story I stumbled across a blog earlier. Call me "mababaw" but I cried (again) just after I finished reading.

Read and be touched, too..........

The Story of Ugly
by: Wyandotte Animal Group

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!" All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end. Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear-Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain. Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.....

Before Surrendering Myself to Sleep

Hmm......the days were so fast that I didn't even realized I hadn't posted anything here this month. Well, this is my last chance to at least have a simple October entry.

I'm starting to feel Santi's wrath around - the sound of rain on the roof, the whip of wind on the window, the coldness in the room. I hope whatever is going on won't get worse. We're supposed to go home to Nueva Vizcaya by 4am. Now, with this damn sick weather, every plan is ruined. But we should be thankful still. News gave us a choice whether to take the risk of travelling or just keep ourselves home safely.....unlike some weeks ago, when everybody was surprised by the destructions brought by Ondoy in Metro Manila and Pepeng in Northern Luzon.

It is so heart breaking to see lives being taken, people being dismayed, properties being dismantled, nature being razed. Till now, statistics of this chaos continues to rise. And it is notably written that what this country has suffered is one of the worst in decades. But it is also during these hard times that Filipinos incredibly show the true meaning of survival, of oneness. Inspiring indeed!

I hope by Sunday, there would be no more Santi...and its hassles as well so we can pay our visit to Papa, meet old friends, eat kakanin with a match of hot coffee. Yes, everything will still turn out as planned. Yes, it will. I have faith....zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Nice Read....

I'm browsing the multiply account of one photographer I follow online and came across this nice article on his blog section. I wonder if I will refer or review this writing again 20 to 30 years from now....

Anyway, here it is. Enjoy....

Preparing for Single Senior-Hood
By Alya Honasan
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 23:32:00 02/02/2009

Filed Under: Lifestyle & Leisure, People

THE year 2008 didn’t end too well for me. Recurring health problems, crossroads in important areas of life and difficult relationships left me not very enthusiastic about the year to come. As I struggled with a painful gum problem, I thought to myself: here I am, 44 years old, the youngest in our brood of five boys and a girl (with my dad and three of the boys already gone), and by default, the main person taking care of my 84-year-old mother. Not that I resent the job—I love my mother dearly—but it’s really a lot for just one person, and I often find myself wishing that I had a sister to share the load with so we could take care of our mother and each other the way only women can. As it is, I have no sisters, no husband (a matter of choice as much as circumstance), and no children (they were never on the agenda). My two living brothers have their own immediate families, who will naturally take precedence over everybody else. Which led me to the obvious question: When I’m old and unproductive and I’ll need help getting around, who’ll take care of me?

In the last few years, I’ve confirmed the answer, beyond the shadow of a doubt, from my own observations as well as endless discussions with friends in the same boat: I will take care of me. It’s a logical statement, not a sad one. The fact is, I alone will be primarily responsible for myself. Besides, I’ve always thought the idea of bearing a child to have someone take care of you in old age is a selfish agenda, and I think parents who keep drilling this obligation into their kids’ heads and investing in them for this express purpose are laying the groundwork for resentment and dysfunction.

It’s not just me who’s facing this challenge. More and more, I have friends—male, female and otherwise—who are getting older with no prospects of domesticity in their immediate future. Let’s not count a companion/lover/partner, who can appear and disappear just as quickly, but at our age, most of us have pretty much given up on passing on the genes—which means that if and when the partner goes first, you’re back to Square of One.

And yes, we have discussed this, my friends and I—where we will live, how we intend to manage whatever resources we have, what we plan to do when we retire single. Barring any last-minute couplings—which will always be welcome, take note—the current plan among my closest friends and I is a set-up that already exists in many places, a sort of private retirement home where we pool funds for infrastructure, common areas and a shared staff of nurses, drivers and house help. We will have the privacy of individual rooms when we want quiet time and the freedom to plan our own days, but we’ll always have the option of doing things together. After all, aren’t friends supposed to be the blood brothers and sisters you weren’t born with?

The interesting part is, yes, several of us have siblings and nieces and nephews. But we’ve decided we want a lot more security than the thickness of blood over water, and on just banking on the goodness of the hearts of people who will have other things to worry about—and who never signed any contracts to care for the unmarried aunt/uncle.

Dignified life

So can one prepare for solo old age? Maybe not completely, but my friends and I have concluded that there are some things to bear in mind so life is full, pleasant and dignified, even when (or probably because?) you’re alone.

1. Don’t ever, ever assume you will be somebody else’s problem. Sorry for the overstatement but this happens too often for comfort. “Oh, bahala na si (clueless younger relative) sa akin.” Of course, all of us wish we could be so smug and naïve. I myself used to kid my oldest nephew and my nieces about looking after me, but that is no longer something I ever plan to bring up. They have their own lives now, and taking care of other people is not in their nature. Although the Filipino family is famously extended, every unmarried, childless person above 40 should never forget that in relation to your siblings’ families, you will always be optional and peripheral, never central. You hover somewhere outside the nucleus of priorities because you didn’t create a nucleus of your own. It’s nothing personal; it’s fate, not tragedy, and the sooner you accept that as a fact of life, the sooner it becomes easy to do your own thing without overblown expectations and hurt feelings.

2. You must manage your resources exceptionally well. Save large chunks of everything you make. What I’ve saved is far from enough to live on, but I reckon I’ve got some time to build that nest egg, and I avoid debts like the plague. You must invest in a place that’s all your own, never mind how big the family home is, how large an inheritance you’re expecting or how much extra space there is in your married brother or sister’s house. A good project I bagged over 10 years ago allowed me to put a down payment on a shoebox of a condo unit in a major commercial center—a shoebox it is, but it’s all mine and it will be enough for me once I’ve scaled down in my older years. (In the meantime, it’s making me some extra cash.) Get professional advice to make sure you invest in good instruments (although the most conservative ones will probably be the best choices now), and to help you calculate how much you should have in the bank to enable you to live decently on interest and dividends. Oh, and make sure your agent sells you a pension plan, not a life insurance plan. You don’t need to leave your money to a beneficiary; you want to have it to take care of your own needs and wants while you’re alive. You will also need to have enough to pay for professional home care if necessary. Speaking of insurance...

3. You must have medical insurance. If you’ve got money to spare, get some above and beyond your company policy, which will most likely end with your retirement, and by then you may be too old to buy personal medical insurance. A single major hospital stint can wipe out a chunk of your retirement fund if you’re not covered. In line with that, do everything you can to stay healthy. Exercise, eat well, don’t stress yourself out—and make it easier to care for yourself in the future.

4. Nurture relationships with friends in the same boat. No, I don’t mean you stop talking to friends who are attached, married or parenting, but your core group should be people with the same concerns and priorities—and believe me, that’s not a problem nowadays. It makes it easier to relate to the same issues, whether you’re feeling good over a career high or bad about being ignored by a favorite niece (like I said, you’re optional).

5. Get your personal network in place. That covers everything from knowing where to go for some counseling to having friends all over the place and a favorite getaway here and abroad that you feel comfortable visiting alone, to shops and services that you can patronize and develop a relationship with.

All that being said, it’s important to remember to live your life in the meantime and not stress too much about your future. Save, but treat yourself when there’s a windfall, because being single means, yes, you can spend the money in the spa instead of on a new pair of youngster’s school shoes (horrors). And if you do have a generous younger relative who repeatedly insists that he/she will take care of you in your old age, be gracious and accept the offer for the blessing it is—but don’t go giving everything you own to charity just yet. After all, for the single soon-to-be senior, the “power of one” takes on a whole new meaning.

Remembering the Heavy Rain

I'm supposed to meet some PC3 friends this evening, with balikbayan Joyz, as the special guest. Too bad, Ondoy just ruined our excitement to be all together. It's raining so hard outside and I can see over the window - the flood, the people and their vehicles, stranded! Everyone gets stuck, even those who are a little luckier being under a roof (like me and Dot). Thanks to our stock of noodles, de-lata, crackers and coffee. We're safe from starving.....well, for the next 24 hours at least, if the situation worsens.

Being literally trapped in a room and has not much to do aside from watching Adrian Monk all day, I decided to go online and be somewhere else. Not in Facebook, flooded with agonies of stranded friends. Nor in YouTube, filled with disappointing news of Metro Manila being completely submerged in water. For not-so-good times like this, there's no better cyber place than....here, in my den.

I remember being so defensive the other day for not making any post over the couple of weeks due to the challenges of my new job and the busy schedules of my life outside. So, as promised and since I have the time now, I will tell one story - my first ever long drive with Big Love. I choose this to be the first to share because the sound of the raindrops I'm hearing now reminds me of the same unfavorable weather we had on that day.

That was September 5, a date that should have marked my first ever trip abroad, but was not pursued because of a lost passport. Lai and other college friends, had been planning a road trip to Tagaytay since summer, when I was still part of the country's rising unemployment rate. It was just this one rainy Saturday that everything fell to its proper place. I could say it was somehow a blessing in disguise - my supposed trip to Bangkok would be replaced by an equally exciting experience. And by the way, my friend Lai, whom I truly respect as being this humble genius (graduated CumLaude and topped 13th in CPA Board Exam) also chose to wander the "bum" life in exchange of letting go of the unhappy and unhealthy energies caused by work. She left PWC after 5 years of service plus a potentially illustrious career in the firm (she was lined up for promotion already). You see, everybody has this crisis. And our "out of work" days made us both feel that getting out of town, even just on nearby places, might lead us to the way of finding ourselves.

Lai, Meg, Baby and I met at Mcdo Valero. The agreed time was 7:30am but it was already 11am when we finally took off. We waited long for Lai (coming from Bulacan) who was awakened only by Baby's call, not by the alarm clock she set the night before. Hmmm.....familiar, huh?! I knew then how it feels to be waiting for me, hahaha!

There's was no rain yet, just cloudy outside. We were on the road for less than 5 minutes but I already committed my first blooper. Along Makati Ave., I turned right instead of left. Maybe because I was so occupied telling the girls about my novice driving, my unfamiliarity of routes, my close encounters with the police, etc., insinuating that being my passenger is a stressful experience. Good thing Baby was there to guide, who appeared to be the route expert among us. My second fluff came few minutes after, when I took the bus lane in EDSA. Well, the next scenes were already familiar - an officer approaching the car, asking my license and then returning it for P100 after some "negotiations". These friends I'm with were cool and just laughed out on my every mistake.

We were welcomed by traffic in Alabang but there was no dull moment. We took pictures inside, played an MJ CD and continued sharing stories.
The heavy downpour of rain started upon reaching SLEX. Meg also began talking about her "stalker" boss, on how frightened she was that she ended up tendering her reignation. We were a bit carried away by her story that we almost passed Sta. Rosa exit. Since that was already past lunch time, we wished that we could find Sonya's Secret Garden fast and easy. But, we got lost again - passing the downward road to the sought place and unnoticing the landmarks we should see before making a right turn. We already reached Calaruega when we turned back and came across this cute vintage car.

It was 2PM when we set foot on the place. And the four of us agreed why it was tagged a secret garden. We were served with the "healthiest set of food" I could ever remember. For the first time, I enjoyed a green leafy meal (totally no rice). Their tea was another must-taste. And in between our crunches and sips, were each other's life updates on family, work, health, love life and others.

We spent the rest of the afternoon taking pictures of the small, forest-like paradise, its flowers, chandeliers, candles, chairs, and of course, ourselves. I brought with me my Precious and Lai brought her Leila. Who won't respect this lady? Behind that magnificent mind are still tons of other talents (a photographer, a writer, a guitarist, a painter, etc.)? I learned a lot from Lai that day.



We headed to Caleruega at around 530PM. The rain had stopped. The road on the highland was rocky and rough but the cool breeze made our eyes open for some breathtaking landscapes. The Church is indeed one of the best places to spend a peaceful time - somewhere closer to nature, closer to God and definitely closer to one's truest self. We had a great view of the mountains on the side and the farms beneath, of simply - the world, on its most genuine state. Inside the chapel was also a grand wedding ceremony. We took some pictures before finally ending the short visit.


Perhaps the most challenging part of the trip was our way home. As we climbed the cliff again, with the sudden rainpour and lightning, Big Love stopped. I should have shifted to first gear when we got closer to the peak. We felt backing down. There was a little panic inside. I could remember the same uncomfortable feeling when I was in Market-Market's basement (but Carol was there) and in Fair View Center Mall (a kind Manong was there). That time, on top of that mountain, with 3 nervous passengers, there was no one to trust than myself......and Big Love. Thank God we survived. I believed our nearness to the sky and to Him also graced us to get going....safely.

We stopped over a place to buy pasalubong and ate dinner at Paseo (Chowking) since I requested a meal with rice. We also dropped by a gasoline station, marking my "n"th blooper. I could no longer remember opening the gas tank, like it was my first time. I mistakenly opened the hood, then the compartment...before hitting the appropriate target. The gasoline boy was laughing but the laughter of my 3 friends was even louder. The tough test wasn't finally over yet as we got lost again several times trying to find the SLEX route. But as always, we survived....again.

It was exactly midnight when we reached Makati. I dropped Lai, Meg and Baby near The Columns. They got off saying there must be a repeat of this super fun trip and that they're willing to be stressed and lost again....with BL and me. Those sweet words made me smile as I drove my way home. It was raining still, but no longer heavy. In bed, I received some text messages from the girls again thanking me for the hitch and reminding our next road adventure. Hmmm....looks like I'm up for another career - as a faithful driver this time. As I pulled over my sheet, I wished the rain would stop so I could wake up the next day with the sun shining.

I am wishing the same tonight....that typhoon Ondoy will soon be over and that everyone should remember that in life, the sun will always shine after the storm.........

Just Dropping By....

Hmmm....it's been really a while since I posted my last entry. Maybe because I got work already - a kind of work that entails a lot of studying and consumes much of my time. Well, I'm still completely far from being transformed into a "nerdy" fellow. Yeah, much farther than you could ever think. I have no plans turning into one, in the first place. Simply not me. I just love the new learning, the challenge, every simple thing linked to it. Besides, I've been really busy with my personal life - had my birthday, spent time with Mama, enjoyed my first ever road adventure with Big Love in Tagaytay, took pictures with Precious, visited my hometown, met old friends, danced ballroom, ingested some alcohol, inhaled some nicotine......and a lot more. I will share some of these stories next time.

I already finished reading another module of MS SQL now and just thought of a short diversion before I go to sleep. So here I am in my den....keying a simple "dropby" note and updating the background music.

Time to zzzzzzzzzzz.........

The Next Time..........

I knew that when I arrived at the place, you were there. My eyes didn't tell 'coz I made sure not to look. It was my heart that instantly felt your presence.

I pretended not to notice you as you were at the corner. And I chose to sit on the other end as well so the job would be easier for myself - building this imaginary wall in between to shield me from an unstoppable force of attraction coming from your direction. But all through out, I could hear your voice. I wanted to glance but I managed not to, even in one funny story you told about me. I just laughed with everybody. When some asked me questions, I could sense you leaning forward from your seat, looking at me, waiting for some interesting answers. Still, I managed not to look back.

I thought my defenses were working, until it was time to call the night off. As I walked down the stairs, somebody tapped my shoulder. It was you. You just mentioned my name so sweetly then twirled your arms into mine. And from there, I found myself caught off guard again. Between our bodies was pure silence. I wasn't sure what that silent moment meant to you. But for me, it was frighteningly great.......great to feel a certain kind of magic, yet so frightening to feel something I was not supposed to feel.....or at least allowed to feel.

Goodbye! That was the only word I managed to utter.......then, you were gone.

I know we'll see each other again. And the next time you're gonna be next to me, clinging on my arms, I'll gonna hold you back and won't ever let go.......

A Tribute to Cory

This is the first time, in more than three years, that I'm experiencing again the benefit of a Philippine holiday - a time to rest, away from work. Today is not the typical "rest" day for me though. I've been soaked on screen as early as 9 this morning watching another remarkable event in Philippine history- the burial of Cory Aquino, who finally laid her armors down from her long bout of colon cancer.

I'm quietly amazed of how the whole nation mourns on the former president's passing. People are continuously flocking at Manila Cathedral and Manila Memorial Park today to bid their final goodbyes to the late Mrs. Aquino despite the heavy rain.

Honestly, I grew up not much of a Cory fan. Perhaps, it has something to do with me having been raised by Marcos loyalists (Papa and Mama) and having been grown in an Ilokano community. I was young then, couldn't think things of my own, only influenced. I might still be sucking my thumb when the People Power Revolution emerged in EDSA and caused the change of national governance from Marcos to Aquino in 1986. I was just in elementary for the later part of Cory's term until the presidency was passed over to FVR in 1992. Again, I didn't understand anything about the government and its politics. If there were few things I knew about these transitions, I knew them only because of my requirement to pass our Philippine History class.

Now as a grown-up, I can comprehend much better. I know that history was written when Cory introduced "democracy" and took her seat in Malacanang, as the first lady president not only in the Philippines, but in Asia. I know that it took tremendous courage for a "plain housewife" to end a 20-year ruling of the country's most powerful man that time. And it took even greater strength to survive numerous coup attempts and monster critics during her administration. With her, having endured all these, is her mightiest and only weapon, the rosary.

It is this same weapon, which Cory clinged on after her life in the Palace. Criticisms never ceased, going beyond....to her family, especially to her most controversial child Kris. She was questioned as a leader before.....and then, as a mother. But she kept her strong faith. She continued saying her prayers, even at her most vulnerable stage, when her battle with cancer started.

I saw how people sympathized when Cory's health condition was announced on national TV last March 2008. I felt sorry for her too, but more of the reason that she had fallen another victim of this big C, the same incurable disease that took my father away from me. But seeing and hearing all the outpouring and overwhelming stories and tributes since her death about how kind and loving this woman was, how she touched the lives of many for her decency and selflessness, how she even made political adversaries to temporarily set aside their differences and unite on her wake, and how she showed everyone else how powerful prayers are, I instantly become an admirer. There's indeed a "Cory Magic". And it hits me. How I wish I was born a little earlier, so I had the chance to become old enough to fully understand and realize that our nation was once presided by someone with integrity, who was never greedy of power and who graced some shade of purity on politics, which is just defined in this country nowadays, as a plain dirty game.

The burial ceremony in Manila Memorial Park is not over yet. My rest day is. I'm still in front of the TV screen.....on tears. I hope these humble tears on my cheeks and these sincere words on my blog are enough to show my last respect to a true icon of democracy, of peace, of love and of faith. Thank you and goodbye, Madam Cory!

Gaguhan Lang....

Sobra akong nagulat nung malaman ko. Nagsinungaling siya. Ginago nya ako. Kahapon lang nung nagchat kami. Tinanong ko siya. Tinanggi nya. Hindi daw. At naniwala naman ako. Nanghingi pa nga ako ng payo. Nanghinayang din siya para sa akin. Sana daw kinuha ko na agad. Maswerte daw kung sinuman ang nakauna.

Tapos....wala pang 24 oras, malalaman ko sa iba na yung bagay na gusto ko ay nasa kanya lang pala. Di ba isang maliwanag na panggagago yun. Para akong binuhusan ng tubig na hindi ko mawari kung kumukulo o mala-yelo ang lamig. Ang mas nakakainis, napakasimpleng isyu lang naman ito - ni hindi nga makaka-isang porsyento man lang sa lebel ng mga usaping dyamante o ginto. At para magsingulang siya sa isang kaibigan dahil sa ganitong napakaliit na bagay, walang kaduda-dudang nanggagago siya.

Sorry daw. Gusto lang nya ng pribadong buhay kaya hindi sya umamin agad. Anak ng.....ginawa nya talagang big deal! Para na rin niyang sinabing hindi ako mapagkakatiwalaan. Pinagmukha akong tanga para lang masiguro ang personal na proteksiyon. Proteksiyon saan? Sa tsismis daw. Wow, napakalayo naman ng narating ng imahinasyon nya! Hindi ko talaga maintindihan. At sa palagay ko, hindi na darating ang araw na maiintindihan ko pa.

Pero naisip ko, bakit ba ako nanggagalaiti? Patas lang kami. Ginago ko din naman siya - at sa mas malaki at mabigat na dahilan. Minahal ko ang taong minahal nya. O mas akma yatang sabihin na....minamahal ko ang taong minamahal pa din niya. Nakakatawa di ba? Pagdating sa pag-ibig, walang imposible. Lahat pwedeng gawin ng taong nagmamahal. Marahil sa pagitan naming dalawa, ako ang mas nangtraydor. Ako ang mas nanggago. At hanggang ngayon, wala siyang kamalay-malay. Sana manitili na lang itong sikreto habang buhay. Pasensyahan na lang. Isang simpleng tao lang ako na nagmamahal. Gayunpaman, ayos na din. Pareho lang naman kaming talo eh. Pareho kaming hindi gusto. Masuwerte siya. Nabigyan siya ng pagkakataon dati. Pero nagpabaya sya. At ang pagkakataon nyang iyon ay mabilis na umikli hanggang sa tuluyang nawala. Buti nga! Hahaha...

Hay......ang buhay nga naman. Kadalasan, gulangan na lang. Salamat sa puso kong hindi naturuan kung kanino dapat tumibok, pero natutong tumarantado. Para sa mga susunod na hamon, alam ko na kung paano makipagsabayan, dito sa mundong puno ng gaguhan lang.

Finally....

T'was 7 in the morning. I got up early, prepared a nice breakfast and took a shower. My adrenaline was rushing. This was a big day!

I met MG, PM and Angie at RCBC Plaza. It has been months since I last saw these girls. Their warm smiles (even after some tiring hours of night duty) greeted me and that simply coated my heart with bliss. Lucky us - we instantly got a pretty decent cab with a very kind "manong" on the driver's seat. We were heading to Hidalgo to ease my "itching" (please don't think of anything naughty....hahaha) because I've been dying to get my first SLR for weeks.

On the way, the four of us had a long chat....about everyone...about everything. But most of the talks were focused on me. What keeps me busy? How are my applications? What companies are good to target? How much is my final pay? The last question eventually led them to ask for some Kuripot Tips. So I gave "tips". I shared some "control" stories which sounded ridiculous to them rather than convincing. And in between the laughs, I consistently instilled my complains of having to pee. Their chuckles kept coming. That was fine anyway. I missed the bullying. Few minutes more, we were on the place. We went to Jollibee first. It turned out that all of us had our own call of nature. I didn't mind. Afterall, we needed to release these negativities to become more effective in doing the art of bargaining - something I was never good at, and perhaps will never be.

So the mission began. We were greeted by a jolly Kuya on the first store. I wanted D40, by the way, an SLR good enough for starters and wannabe's. The first offer was P23k, with bag and 2GB usb until it went down to a package of the unit, bag and 4GB usb at P22.5k. Not bad. But we moved on to the next, to more Kuyas and Ates, with offers from P22.5k to P24k, with/without bag and 2GB/4GB usb. Actually, I couldn't remember the exact packages 'coz I never did the talking and haggling. My friends did. It was always that way. Yeah.....I missed the spoiling, too.
It seemed the first Kuya had the best price so far....until we reached Henry's. Ate said P21.8k, with bag and 4GB usb. Then came MG's, PM's and Angie's planned magic. P20k - P21k - P21.1k - P21.2k - P21.3k. At P21.4k, Ate appeared to give up and told us to ask the boss. Angie did the honor and her charms made us save P50 more. Not bad as well, honestly.....hehehe. For P21,450, my bag turned a "D40" heavier as we went out the store.
It was a typical hot day. Our bodies needed rewards for taking home a good deal. We ordered pizza, lasagna, tacos and a rice meal (for me, obviously) at Greenwich. Orders were completely served but I enjoyed taking my first few test shots before laying my hand on the food. It was great. I was like a 10 year-old girl grasping her first batteried toy. We ate, talked more, laughed more but also sighed more. At around 1, we waved goodbyes.

PM and I took a cab going to Makati. Thanks to another Kuya who helped us get Avanza, wide and comfortable enough to rest our backs. There were more talking. There were more sharing. She stepped out when we reached RCBC Plaza and I realized that I was alone again. I had to admit. I sensed a guilty feeling. I've been bum for months now. And yet, I've been making a lot of spending. I glanced on the window and I saw the image of Bo Sanchez screaming right on my face. LIVE LIKE A DYING MAN! Just like a lightning, my mind again became crystal clear. I may have thrown away more bucks from my perishing pocket.

But who cares? I have my precious SLR......






.....and I have my precious friends.

If Life Is So Short

Isn't it funny how time seems to slip away so fast
One minute you're happy, the other you're sad
But if you give me one more chance
To show my love for you is true
I'll stand by your side your whole life through

If life is so short
Why don't you let me love you
Before we run out of time If love is so strong
Why won't you take the chance
Before our time has gone
If life is so short, if life is so short

Love is a word that explains how I feel for you
And when you're in my arms, all my dreams come true
And when you're not around
You can't hardly see
These tears that I'm crying now are for you to be with me

This song from Moffats used to be one of my and my friends' favorite boy band song way back highschool. That was like more than 10 years ago. Since then, I really never heard the song being played until today. Oh, by the way, I searched and played it myself in Youtube. I don't know. After being stunned by some news these past few days, I feel like I wanna look back and see how unpredictable life is. One may be so alive and kicking now; then suddenly, everything around becomes total darkness.

Whenever I watch TV, read the net, get a call or receive a text that someone is not doing well, or even worse, someone wasn't able to make it, it's like I'm being stubbed on the chest, being thrown in an awful time machine and being carried back to my life's most painful day - when I lost my father. Oh yes, there's always this "flashback", never missed a single moment. The feeling is hell. It's a complete torture. And I hate it.

Time is so fast. Life is so short. And with that, Bo Sanchez is always so right. Nothing is far better than to live like a dying man. At 26, I'm quite unsure yet if my existence has ever been worthy. In some aspects maybe. For now, I hear the clock ticking still. I feel my heart beating still. Any moment, all might stop, even the earth's revolving.

Am I living my life to the fullest? This time....I'm trying, happily trying.....

FAREWELL to the "King of Pop"

I woke up this morning and got a certain feeling that this is going to be a good day. But I was shocked to see the early morning headlines. So sad but true - Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, is gone, at age 50. He suffered from cardiac arrest. Unfortunately, death really comes to anyone, at the most unexpected time.

I'm a music lover and Michael Jackson's songs were the first few phrases I learned to voice out (with melody and rhythm) as a growing child. I'm not into dancing but I always love watching guys on TV showcasing their sexiest and most exciting moves. I adored UMD, Street Boys and Manuevers during the 90's. But only one man keeps me amazed on the dance floor through ages........MJ.

I'm a fan of Michael Jackson's best moments, an agonist of his worst days. Drug addiction, short-lived marriages, strange medical procedures, lipsynch performances, shaky finances, child molestations and others.....there might be more. This entertainment icon had gone a lot of ups and downs in his life. He might had been living in a mysterious "den" as mine, a place where only GOD and himself know the real answers.

No matter what.......I just want Michael Jackson to be remembered as the greatest "total entertainer" who ever existed on earth - how he touched the hearts of people for every song he sang, how he kindled their energies for every groove he made.

Goodbye MJ! Thank you for sharing to everyone your talent. Like most of your songs say, you made this world a better place.

And.....if ever you meet my father up there, please do a "moonwalk" for him......